Realization
by speaknow1820
Summary: What if Bella gives herself the chance to live?


Disclaimer: I own nothing!

I had thought about that article for days.

I tried to forget it, I really did. Because examining what I didn't want to examine would mean letting go of everything I was trying to hold on to. And I wanted to hold on more than anything.

I could have this amazing life, with this amazing person, and all I had to do, was let go.

Easier said than done.

I paced around my room thinking, thinking, thinking. I'd never done this much thinking in my entire life. I could grow up, go to school, and become the teacher I'd always envisioned myself as. I could marry this man whom I loved more than anything in my life; we could have kids, go on vacation, and have friends and lives. And all I had to do was let go.

And right there I knew what I wanted more than anything, and I knew that I absolutely had to have it, had to have him.

I flew to my car, I don't even remember going down the stairs. It was thundering, not raining but thunder scared me more than anything, more than blood.

I was halfway there when the wind picked up and the rain started, it got so bad I thought about pulling over, but the strength of my conviction still rang in my ears. Rang so much it hurt. I needed to be near him, close to him, tell him everything that I should've told him months ago.

I was so stupid, all these months we could've been happy, together-and I had squandered them on what? "Moping' as my ever-so-observant father put it. I was so close to that quaint red house that had been a safe house for me over the past few months. I realized then that this could be the house in which I spend many a Christmas dinner, where I let my kids come to all the time. I could be spending a lot more time in that house than I ever thought I would.

My heart was pounding so hard I could swear it was about to jump right out of my chest and break the windshield. It was like the floodgates had just opened up in my mind and someone screamed, "Hello! What have you been doing all this time?" All these options, I didn't know what to do with them. The future seemed infinite, and I was terrified to live it. But I had found the person that I wanted to live it with, the person I could face anything with.

"Jacob!" I screamed over the storm as I threw myself out of the truck.

He was already at the door, I silently praised werewolf ears. I couldn't wait another second.

Then something hit me that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Bella! Bella, what are you doing?" he screamed

What if he didn't want to share this future with me? What if, no, he spent every second of every day trying to convince me we should be together. But it seems that for every hopeful thought I have, a little pessimistic voice in my head is not far behind. What if?

We were a solid fifteen feet apart, he seemed hesitant to approach me and I guess vice versa. I should've planned out what I was going to say. _There's no time for planning when you're fretting_, I tried to make myself feel better.

"Jacob I-" I was drenched, that thought was registering with me now. I didn't care I just needed a second to compose myself.

"Bells, you do know it's um, pouring right?"

"Jacob, I need to know" I yelled over the rain.

He looked puzzled, "but can we just go insi-"

I cut him off, "you were right…you were right all along."

"What?"

"You were right about everything. I'm better with you, I'm a better person. It's as easy as breathing for us, you've said so yourself. You're my best friend, and I love you more than you know. I just…need to know"

If he was puzzled before, I don't know what he was now. He was stunned to say the least. He was barely responding to what I had just said. Had I just humiliated myself in front of my only real friend? What if I lost him now? What would I do? I should've just kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to tell him so bad…

"Need to know what? Bella, what do you need to know" he yelled back, snapping me out of my panic-trance.

"Am I too late? Is it too late for you…to love me? Did I wait too long to figure everything out? I realized today, that we could have an incredible life. I just…hope I'm not too late."

It took a second for that to sink in, then he closed the distance between us in three long strides. He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me too fiercely for words. I knew I had made the right choice by coming here, I just don't know why it took me so damn long to figure it out. He was so warm, and it was only when he was close to me did I realize how cold I was. Then I remembered why I was cold, the rain had slowed but the wind didn't.

When I looked up I realized he was just staring at me, in a mix of utter amazement and love. And I love that.

"And just so you know, you're not too late. And I love you and all your histrionics."

He wrapped his arm around my waist, his other arm across my shoulders and walked me inside.

All I have to say is thank you to whoever wrote that article, because they gave me my life back, and a future I can't wait to live.

Those words will ring in my ears now, until the time I say "I, Do" and then I'm sure much long after that... "To have a life of true happiness, marry your best friend"


End file.
